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# Am I really too much?
- URL: https://www.divergentclicks.com/am-i-really-too-much/
- Published: 2026-09-26T17:32:47.000Z
- Updated: 2026-09-26T17:32:47.000Z
- Author: Ulrich

I vividly remember when I was 16 and I had this girlfriend. I was walking on the streetside with her when her brother kicked his football to me. I handled the ball like a pro (or so I believed ;) ), Perfect first touch; I juggled the ball a few times and passed it back to his feet. My gf who stood next to me, turned to me and shouted the words "Seriously, you can do that too!?!?!" and she was really sad, she cried. This was because she wasn't that good in so many different things as I was.

That moment stuck with me and somehow that moment was a pivotal moment where I concluded that my energy, my enthousiasm, my eagerness to learn and be good at many different things was too much for others and it would make them feel uncomfortable and even bad about themselves.

I had to tone it down.

This was very confusing because I grew up in a family where I was dubbed "the smart one", the first of the whole family that will go Uni, "the one with the brains", "he will be succesfull".  
So, I could make people sad and uncomfortable, but also I couldn't let my family down.  
It was exhausting. During this period from high school through university I had these really frequent headaches that would come up at least 2-3 per month for about 3-4 days. Sometimes I wasn't able to function. The only thing I could do was stay in bed, curtains closed and that's it. I thought it was migraine attacks. My GP called it Tension Headaches and gave me Diazepam to relax! That wasn't the way I wanted to live.  
I knew I had tension, I just didn't know it was related to masking, people-pleasing and being a good student and trying not to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Then someone suggested haptonomy and coaching to address the tension I had stored up in my body.   
That was the first time I learned to listen to my body and the messages it was giving me.   

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/0e/6c/0e6cefa6-142b-443f-92c3-da07923981a2/content/images/2026/09/WhatsApp-Image-2025-08-03-at-14.37.09--1--1.jpeg)

Me (taking a photo of a church) and my daughter (looking at a church)

I still have headaches sometimes, I still do some people-pleasing, but now I know the signals and how to listen to them before they become too much.   

Through coaching, haptonomy and exploring my own beliefs and challenging them, I have learned to accept my tension and take the neccesary steps when it's there. 

It will always be a struggle. Being divergent from the ruling norm of being. But now I know I have a choice and I can make those choices whenever I want.